GREETINGS EARTHLING
If there’s one thing I really want you, reader, to know, it is that I really love the Sims. My sister introduced me to the franchise when I was a kid, as she had a Gamecube and a copy of the Sims 2: Ultimate Edition.
So when the Sims 4 was released in 2014(!), I begged and pleaded with my family for a copy. That’s all I wanted for my birthday. I still have the physical DVD somewhere in storage. And, WOW, it certainly looked a whole lot different than the images you’ll see here! Since then, lots of changes have gone underway. Several new LIFESTAGES have been added, including horses!
That brings me to my next point: I also really love horses. Horseback riding — to me at least — not so much my Jakob, who helped me put together this lovely website, is beyond therapeutic. It’s a life-changing adventure. But it’s not getting in the saddle that gives me butterflies; it’s the smell of fresh hay, well-cared-for leather, sweet grain, and oh man oh man oh man, I could never get enough of hearing the horses nicker as I walked down the barn aisle.
And, the thing is, I haven’t been able to get in the saddle anyway because horses are really fucking expensive, and well there are several other reasons, but the point is I simply haven’t been able to actually visit a barn in several months. Which brings me back to my first point about the Sims. THEY ADDED HORSES!!!!!!!!!!
I scooped up the DLC as soon as I could, and I have been having the time of my life documenting everything this silly horse does. Reader, may I please have the honor of introducing you to… wait for it… Pony!
Pony is a leopard Appaloosa, and her traits are listed as:
Sure, she’s a little bit challenging, and I’m pretty sure she’s tried destroying my Sims’ garden at least thrice now, but… she’s really frickin’ cute. And maybe I’m a bit biased because I’m pretty sure I share a few of those traits with her. But, my point is, she’s just so precious and I love her. So I want to record all of my Sims’ adventures with her.
Pony came into my Sims’ world as a rescue horse — for a whole 250 Simoleons. An elder rescue horse, at that. It seemed only fitting that my first horse in the Sims would be a horse such as Pony. All my life, I’ve wanted to own and spoil the ever-loving shit out of a horse living its glory days out in retirement. And, since I can’t do that in the real world, I’m fine with living vicariously through my Simself for now. (The whole premise of this particular Sim-save is that Jake and I won the lotto, built our own dream house, and the only houseguests we have are pets.)
For reading clarity, I’ll be writing about my Simself adventures from a third-person POV, otherwise, I think it’ll just get really fucking weird. (Not to mention, my degree-in-progress is Public Health, not literature, so, y’know… bear with me please)
See here, the majestic Jakob, doing pushups to assert dominance, as Pony looks on in sheer curiosity. The photo angle’s kinda weird because this happened so quickly, it was the only screenshot I was able to grab in between gut-busting laughing fits. This is like, sooooo something Jake would do in real life too. Like, poor Pony, it’s her first night home, and Jakob’s out there trying to be tough or something. (BTW, the halter & halter accessories can be found here and here - I’ll try and link however much custom content I can find if it’s in the image. My mods folder is quite large, though, so, no promises. My tumblr is @starcrxssedlovers for any specific WCIF questions!)
Before I write about the next photo, I’d like to give some context. The cat curled up next to Jake in the picture is a Sim version of my now late beloved cat Gonzoonzofuzzywuzzykiss, also known as “Beans”. He was the silliest little creature ever put on this planet, and he had the biggest heart. He’d never hurt a fly, not a single one. Or a bird (he loved to chirp at them), or a mouse… he was simply Gonzo. My special boy. He passed away very unexpectedly some time ago now, from some sort of heart complication that even the vets don’t know much about. But before he passed, Jakob got to spend a fair amount of time with Beans.
And that’s why this screenshot has me tearing up a bit, because it encapsulates two of my most favorite souls on this planet — my Jakob, and my silly boy Gonzo.
I guess Jakob was exhausted from doing a push-up contest with a horse, and thus he collapsed in the bedroom. Curled up at the very end of the bed, much like Gonzo would do, is Mr. Beans himself. In the silliest costume I could find. And that’s why this is now my favorite screenshot of all time.
I’m not sure that Jakob’s sim MEANT to win over the affection of Pony, but I find it hilarious that his caveman-like behavior only managed to amuse Pony further. She followed him around the lot for the rest of the day, just seeing what he was up to.
(Tree swing in the background is by TheKalino, found here)
My simself, for much of this day, has been at work or in the garden. So they finally were able to take Pony on a little adventure to the Equestrian Center and give Jake a break from the obviously menacing equine. They popped a red bow on Pony’s tail to let all other riders know that Pony has defensive tendencies and hopped on to do some barrel work.
It didn’t go on for very long though, because Pony’s fresh out of the rescue center and is a fairly old lady! It wouldn’t be right - that’s like asking an 80-year-old with limited mobility to suddenly enter a marathon. You gotta get ‘em conditioned to do that kinda stuff. Hence why my Simself is committing no less than 83 equestrian crimes — namely no protective gear, or breeches, or even a proper riding top. They just hopped right on, because they knew they’d be hopping right off again.
Pony did quite well! She seemed like she was still feeling punky enough, so my Simself set up a few basic jumps for Pony to hop over too. By then, it was getting kinda late, though, so my Simself called it a day and took Pony for, well, a pony ride *ba-dum-tss*. It went fine and dandy up until Pony saw a snake… or something. I’m really not quite sure what occurred between Point A and Point B, but that little old lady has SPEED and proceeded to haul back home expeditiously.
(Arena decor is by @Emelie-png on tumblr - found here)
This was about the point where my Simself realized they’d fucked up. Pony, on the other hand, was having the time of her life. Which probably says a lot, as the horse is considered ancient.
Having miraculously (because it sure didn’t feel safe) made it back home, and with Pony in the stable for the night, they ran to tell Jakob everything that happened. Jakob was so enthralled in their story that he didn’t even notice there was a floating pot of chrysanthemums by the porch door.
Now, if there’s one thing you MUST know about my Jakob, as in, the Jakob who designed this site, not the Jakob I designed in the Sims, is that he doesn’t do horses. He’s a giant animal lover, don’t get me wrong, the guy just gets frightened by equines (with good enough reason - he was once bitten on the schnoz by one!). But he’s also not afraid of a challenge. Which is what inspired this next series of events, I think.
After a long day of work, Jake really just wanted to kick back with Gonzo, probably work out a bit, whatever. But he came to check on my Simself and Pony, as the two of them left for the barn early the next morning to train some more and still hadn’t come home. One thing led to another, and my Simself challenged Jakob to hop on Pony and take her for a spin.
If this were real life, Jakob wouldn’t have even been in a 50-foot radius of the horse. But this is the Sims, and sometimes I just like to daydream about my partner conquering his fear of all things equine and going for a trail ride. The funny thing is, his Simself has a strong dislike for horseback riding, so he was pulling a rather unhappy face the entire time.
Art… imitates life?
I imagine the conversation went a little something like
“pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease, Ms. Pony, pleeeeeeeeease pretty please do not end my life today <3”.
Pony, who is a horse, doesn’t speak Simlish. Pony has no idea what he’s saying, but she’s intelligent enough to know that he’s nervous and will need a guiding hand.
As an elder, she doesn’t mind filling that role so much.
I found it rather funny, that even from a distance, you can see Jake’s stank face.
If this were real, I think Jake would’ve tapped out in the arena. As in, he would’ve complied long enough to jump In the saddle, out of the saddle, thank Pony for the ride, and run to the safety of the car. But, without any hideouts to run to, Jake continues the trail ride, getting more huffy and puffy by the minute. Pony isn’t oblivious to his discomfort, she just didn’t care much.
Having put up with Jake’s attitude long enough, Pony starts to get a bit cranky too. After all, she was having a very nice trail ride and could appreciate the tranquility a whole lot more if she didn’t have a beginner rider on her back. Not that my Simself is that much better athletics-wise, but their bond in comparison is quite strong so Pony tolerates it more.
And as anyone who’s ever had just enough of that would know, tolerance only goes for so long before you end up at the boiling point.
In this picture, both Pony and Jake are feeling just about done with that stupid bonding exercise, although their ideas of how to end it vary. Despite being a beginner rider, Jake actually managed to stick that buck! (The stray cat, if you can see it, was also unharmed — there was a good amount of distance between it and Pony’s hoof.)
Jake and Pony chose to work out their differences on the ride back home, rather than let my Simself believe the pair were anything other than peachy keen with each other.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch:
And that completes this blog post.
I hope you enjoyed accompanying me, and my Sims, on their journey to doing whatever the hell it is that I feel like doing.
This is Oli, signing out.
Peace!